Last week, the week before a week long vacation was crazy. I think that is how it always is for everybody. The week before vacation almost wipes us out so much that our vacation time is spent in a coma. Well, thankfully, mine wasn't that bad. There were no physical problems, delays, or packing troubles. For me, the Holy Spirit decided it was time to check my heart and reveal to me more of what's lying in the corners, hiding from me. I've been through this before and will go through it again, maybe next week. Anywho, it goes a little like this...
Team, leading a team, and getting what you asked for is a doozy. Months ago, I asked God to get me to a place where I have more room in my heart to reach out to people, more capacity to serve them especially when I feel like I can't anymore. I asked this knowing I would be leading a team of 8 to a foreign place and also knowing that I haven't led anything more than a small group. I asked this knowing what's come out of my heart in the past, knowing what I'm capable of.
Quick side note, years ago, I went through a time where God showed me what I'm capable of in a not so awesome way, the way of sin. Mind you, I'm a good girl, I don't have big sins that I've overcome to tell you about. My parents were awesome so I don't have major hangups that God has had to heal for me to truly live. Yet, the matter of the heart, inside the heart, deep and dark places no one knows about except yourself and God is a totally different matter. 1 John 3:15 gives us an example of the heart. I thank Him for revealing these things and showing me what I'm capable of without actually committing these sins. I can tell you more about that another time.
Back to it, I get extremely frustrated when I don't know what I'm doing. Even more, when I feel a certain way and have no concrete reason for it, it makes me feel foolish. No likes to feel frustrated and foolish. I admit feeling foolish and frustrated often results in anger, unforgiveness, irritations and all of that often projectiles onto others (poor Craig). When that happens I often get more angry, frustrated, irritated, and yuck yuck yuck. Welp, I realized what was happening and I told Craig. We prayed and I confessed and received forgiveness. I gave forgiveness and prayed blessings. The next day, we listened to an awesome sermon called the Un-Offendable Heart. SHEESH! After that, guess what? We prayed and confessed and received forgiveness. We gave forgiveness and prayed blessings. It seems so easy to type this all up and I realized I'm failling at describing it to you. I only hope you have experienced matters of the heart because only then do you know. Anyway, Friday rolls around and we are having simple church. During worship, I felt God was saying, "Lisa, everyday is a new day with me. No matter what you've done, what contents of your heart has splattered onto the ground. Don't you know that every MOMENT is a new moment in me. This next moment is new!!!" Wow! There truly are no words to describe that! I shared that with our team. I just had to they were burning me. THEN, God told me, "Lisa, the sun is rising IN YOUR HEART." He didn't say through or on but IN, WITHIN. This is funny but my first response was "oh no, something in my throat is blocking it." Weird, huh? I shared this with the team and we prayed over me. I again felt God was saying, "Something is coming, this is the beginning of what I am doing here, in your heart, in this team, in this town." We also felt that what wants to block it is fear. For me, it is fear of the unknown.
Which I know, some of you might snicker and think good grief, she's scared, look at what she has done. Well, I have to say, I have fear. I also have had naivite and youth and strength of the Lord. I also think that those who have no fear have no courage either. I mean why do they need courage. Courage and bravery are what results in the face of fear.
We prayed against fear, fear of the unknown. We prayed the truth. God wants the sun to rise in my heart and pour out of me. He gave me that picture and He will make it happen. Nothing can stop Him! So now, we wait!! We wait for what's next. I'm waiting with anticipation and dream about what will that look like! I'm sure what will come next will be full of more cleaning out the heart but maybe it will be a little easier as the sun shines on dark places.
"And, God, I welcome what's to come and welcome the sun rising, and welcome the new moments!!"
That was my week and this week is rest! Rest for the heart and soul. Time for the beach, Mediterranean Sea, movies, ice cream and time with my husband and team!
Team, leading a team, and getting what you asked for is a doozy. Months ago, I asked God to get me to a place where I have more room in my heart to reach out to people, more capacity to serve them especially when I feel like I can't anymore. I asked this knowing I would be leading a team of 8 to a foreign place and also knowing that I haven't led anything more than a small group. I asked this knowing what's come out of my heart in the past, knowing what I'm capable of.
Quick side note, years ago, I went through a time where God showed me what I'm capable of in a not so awesome way, the way of sin. Mind you, I'm a good girl, I don't have big sins that I've overcome to tell you about. My parents were awesome so I don't have major hangups that God has had to heal for me to truly live. Yet, the matter of the heart, inside the heart, deep and dark places no one knows about except yourself and God is a totally different matter. 1 John 3:15 gives us an example of the heart. I thank Him for revealing these things and showing me what I'm capable of without actually committing these sins. I can tell you more about that another time.
Back to it, I get extremely frustrated when I don't know what I'm doing. Even more, when I feel a certain way and have no concrete reason for it, it makes me feel foolish. No likes to feel frustrated and foolish. I admit feeling foolish and frustrated often results in anger, unforgiveness, irritations and all of that often projectiles onto others (poor Craig). When that happens I often get more angry, frustrated, irritated, and yuck yuck yuck. Welp, I realized what was happening and I told Craig. We prayed and I confessed and received forgiveness. I gave forgiveness and prayed blessings. The next day, we listened to an awesome sermon called the Un-Offendable Heart. SHEESH! After that, guess what? We prayed and confessed and received forgiveness. We gave forgiveness and prayed blessings. It seems so easy to type this all up and I realized I'm failling at describing it to you. I only hope you have experienced matters of the heart because only then do you know. Anyway, Friday rolls around and we are having simple church. During worship, I felt God was saying, "Lisa, everyday is a new day with me. No matter what you've done, what contents of your heart has splattered onto the ground. Don't you know that every MOMENT is a new moment in me. This next moment is new!!!" Wow! There truly are no words to describe that! I shared that with our team. I just had to they were burning me. THEN, God told me, "Lisa, the sun is rising IN YOUR HEART." He didn't say through or on but IN, WITHIN. This is funny but my first response was "oh no, something in my throat is blocking it." Weird, huh? I shared this with the team and we prayed over me. I again felt God was saying, "Something is coming, this is the beginning of what I am doing here, in your heart, in this team, in this town." We also felt that what wants to block it is fear. For me, it is fear of the unknown.
Which I know, some of you might snicker and think good grief, she's scared, look at what she has done. Well, I have to say, I have fear. I also have had naivite and youth and strength of the Lord. I also think that those who have no fear have no courage either. I mean why do they need courage. Courage and bravery are what results in the face of fear.
We prayed against fear, fear of the unknown. We prayed the truth. God wants the sun to rise in my heart and pour out of me. He gave me that picture and He will make it happen. Nothing can stop Him! So now, we wait!! We wait for what's next. I'm waiting with anticipation and dream about what will that look like! I'm sure what will come next will be full of more cleaning out the heart but maybe it will be a little easier as the sun shines on dark places.
"And, God, I welcome what's to come and welcome the sun rising, and welcome the new moments!!"
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